my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
