I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize