just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
