is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
