Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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