Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
