We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
birth control should be required to get into college
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
