He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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