Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize