I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
