Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
