The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
