I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
