thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
