Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
