dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just pee around me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize