i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize