Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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