Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
