you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
