Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
