i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize