I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
