I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
