I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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