I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
