ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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