Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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