we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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