Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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