So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
