oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
