Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
