Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
