i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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