I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
