Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
