If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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