guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
