I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
