You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize