So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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