Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
