no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
