is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
