So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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