Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
