he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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