you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize