Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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