Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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