i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
