it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
