update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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