Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
