Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
