I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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