i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
