I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
