For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
