I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have fence marks all over my body
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
