guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
