I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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