i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize