made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
