Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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