That's intense
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
