Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had to cum in my sink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
