dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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