Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
