We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
