totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
