You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
