I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
